“I’ve decided to take my talents to Philadelphia.”

Barb Topaz, Philadelphia resident and deli manager at Big Philly’s Philly-CheeseSteak Sandwiches, reported on Monday night that she recently saw pitchers Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, and Roy Oswalt meeting at her diner and ordering food last week.

“I didn’t hear what they were talking about.”

Topaz, pictured below, did not get any autographs, although she claims to have found a napkin in the trashcan that had the words, “Baseball’s version of Lebron, Wade, and Bosh.”

“I’m really more of an Eagles fan,” said Topaz.

BREAKING NEWS:
Cole Hamels, Phillies pitcher, is reportedly “bummed out” tonight in Philadelphia. In responding to questions of the nature of his bummed-ness, Hamels said, “Dude, I used to be a Number One Pitcher…now i’m Number Fucking Four.”

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