God Politely Suggests Brett Favre Hang Up Cleats

In an act of terrifying omnipotence, the Lord Almighty sent a clear and powerful message to his longest-serving NFL player in Minneapolis today.

“Walk away. Just…walk away,” said the Creator of the Cosmos.

Then, with a mere wiggling of his pinky finger, he did this:

After witnessing the awesome display of anger, Mable Winnipeg, long-time Vikings fan and Metrodome security ticket-tearer, said of His wrath, “I’m just so glad the men weren’t on the field.”

Indeed, the NFL agrees with Winnipeg that had the Vikings and Giants been playing on the field during the roof’s collapse, it would have been, “real bad.”


Winnipeg, before returning to her kitchen to bake a sure-to-be-delicious bunt cake, added, “Had Brett and A.P. (Adrian Peterson, Vikings RB) been down there, and the roof caved in, we would have lost two of our best players ever. Brett should just listen to Jesus and stop playing.”

No comment from Favre’s camp has been issued.

ESPN’s Ed Werder suggests that, had the roof NOT collapsed, Bret Favre would almost assuredly not been able to play due to his lingering shoulder injury. The rescheduled time of the game, now to take place Monday night, might allow Favre to play. Perhaps He does want Bret to reach 300 games…


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